Sadly Snape
by PennedNBlack
Summary: This story starts off in Severus Snape's fourth year. It is about his years through Hogwarts and his strength to endure being bullied both at home by his father and at Hogwarts by Black and Potter, and a bit of imagined romance with Lily. Read and Review
1. Prologue: Nightmares

**Prologue: Nightmares**

**A/N: I got in the editing mood once again and I have made further changes to this chapter and intend to make changes to my other chapters as well. I added information that alludes to possibilities in future chapters, that I hope helps the readers have a better connection to Severus. (Yes, Snape and I are on a first name basis, you have to be when you are a visitor of a characters mind, or in my case an unwanted intruder. It is Snape after all.) Well, read and review. I would love to know what people think.**

The young, fourteen year old sat looking over a letter his mother sent him. It was not much of a letter, but it was all lies. It read:

Severus,

How are you? Are you focused on your studies? Everything here is going well.

-Mum

It was a lie! Nothing ever went well at home. What was she doing? He was not stupid. His father was always drunk and constantly looking for reasons to berate and abuse his mother. This short letter made him worry. His father had probably seen her writing to him so she had to end it so abruptly. He would not let his mind wander to what could be happening to her.

_Mum, leave him. _He had often wondered if his mother could ever leave his father. Eileen seemed to be forever trapped in her relationship with Tobias. The environment had created a warped sense of what love was for her and maybe for him as well. He could not help but make connections between him and his father. They were both very cold hearted and often when either of their minds had come to a conclusion it had to be the correct one; it did not matter if there were clues or facts pointing in the other direction. This arrogance often got Severus in trouble, but he could not help it, once his mind grasped hold of an idea he stuck with it. At least he was consistent, even if he was cursed to be like his father.

_I won't become him though._

With everything that went on at home there was some relief in attending Hogwarts. He could keep his mind off of anything that may be going on at home, thanks to the expansive library and the mountain of homework he received. He decided that he would write her back later; maybe give her some good news. His grades had gone up from the last time he had written her, especially in potions, his mother's favorite subject when she had been at Hogwarts.

He laid his head back on his pillow, his mind restless with billowing thoughts of his home life. He closed his eyes in an effort to sleep, and before he knew it his body succumbed to the dream realm, but it was an uneasy slumber.

The dark moon light lingered thickly in the air, as Severus Snape sat up in his bed trying to drown out the haunting screams of his mother. This reoccurring nightmare of his father brutally beating his mother until she was not longer conscious had plagued him for over a month now. It always felt real. He relaxed some, realizing he was not at home, he was at Hogwarts.

_You're safe Severus. Get ahold of yourself. _He hated how much these dreams affected him. It was not right.

He was relieved that the echoes of his mother's screams only resided in his head. They were not real. His father was not hurting his mother and he was safe, but a sick realization overcame him, was she really safe? The letter from early crept back into his mind and he was not so sure she was safe.

_Mum… Please be okay._

Why would his mother stay with such a wretched man? All he did was hurt her. Severus guessed it had something to do with his parent's financial state; it would never afford his mother the opportunity to leave. Snape just prayed to which ever God or gods that may exist that she was alright.

_Please, please I cannot lose her. She is one of the only people that understand me._

There were only certain torments that Snape could handle, and only so much of them before he would crumble and break. He could take his father yelling insults at him. He had come to the conclusion long ago that he did not care about what his father thought of him, not matter how much Tobias's words hurt Severus. He had more power than his stupid father ever would. Severus loathed his father's verbal and physical abuse of his mother. It was cowardly and wrong. Snape may have qualities and a likeness to his father, but he refused to ever come across as so cowardly. It had never made sense to him, why did his father treat his mother like a piece of shit? She did all of his bidding, and to accuse her of doing anything contrary was something Severus could never comprehend.

_One of these days, old man, I am going to make you pay for the way you have treated my Mum. One of these blasted days!_

Severus could never quite grasp why the nightmares ensued, it vexed and perplexed him greatly. His life was a living nightmare, why then had it followed him into his dreams; it was beyond his brain's comprehension. The only conclusion Severus ever came to was that his subconscious liked to toy with him.

He felt like his constant fear of losing his mother at the hands of his father would be a reality one day. Eileen was often bruised, and she hardly left the house, unless to pick up food from the grocery store. His father's most recent and absurd accusations came after a trip to the store. His drunken father, Tobias, had claimed that Eileen was cheating on him. It was preposterous; there was no way in hell that his mother could have ever cheated on his father. Tobias always had an eye on Eileen. He treated her like she was an object and not a human being; she was worth nothing to Tobias. Something Severus vowed himself that he would never do, especially if he were ever lucky enough to ever be married, which he doubted and supposed, would never happen, but if it did he hoped to marry Lily Evans.

That dream was clouded by his tumultuous nightmares, and the reality of his life. His mind was weary with worry, as he tried to calm his nerves as the reality of the nightmares kicked in. In truth, his father often drank and used the beatings of Eileen as a way to make her more obedient, and she was the epitome of obedience; aside from Severus's magical training and rearing. She had taught him about things that he realized were not always taught to young witches and wizards. His knowledge of magic was well above most others his age, and he had his mother's disobedience to thank for that. He knew that she often endured malicious beatings and unyielding insults to teach her son the art of dark magic. He, himself had also endured hateful spewings from his father, all because of his desire to grow in the knowledge of magic. He knew that each year he attended Hogwarts that his mother was closer to her death bed. He, however, was relieved that his mother had somehow convinced his father to allow him to attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It had become his home.

_The greatest gift she has ever given me._

He felt safer at Hogwarts, even with two bullies constantly after him. They were nowhere near inflicting enough torment upon him to equal the degree he would have received had he been at home. There was little worse they could do to him, aside from killing him, that would have a true impact on how he acted around them. Severus also knew that Potter was envious of his friendship with Lily, and Snape would use that relationship to his advantage as longs as it lasted.

_She is on my side, and damn it, Potter it is going to stay that way! Lily Evans was my friend first._

Lily made everything better, and he was thankful that he had met her on the playground five years prior, and her attendance at Hogwarts with him was an added benefit. Hogwarts was the one place worth being, but at the same time he received shit for being who he was. He had decided that he would rather be at Hogwarts with Potter and Black than trapped in his room at home any day.

_Potter and Black are just stupid spawns of unfortunate parents anyway. I should not let them pester me. I am better than they are. _With that thought lingering in his brain he drifted off to sleep; hoping not to rise to any gloomy prospects of being humiliated by Black and Potter.

As he slept his dreams could not help themselves to alluding that the next day's events were going to be a bad set. He was uneasy in his sleep and could not be sure why that was. All signs and night terrors pointed to a bad day, not the prospects he had been hoping for. He just prayed that it would be the kind of bad day that did not involve Black and Potter, but he had an inkling all his hoping any foolish prayers were done in vain.


	2. Chapter 1: Unfortunate Snape

**Chapter 1: Unfortunate Snape**

**A/N: Extensive changes were made to this chapter. I feel now that it flows better and follows the plot I have floating around in my head a lot better.**

**Well, as always thank you for the reviews and thank you for reading. Any errors that anyone points out is much appreciated seeing as I am human and do not find many of my own mistakes. **

The sun shone through a gap in the curtains draped over the four poster bed. Severus pulled the covers over his head, as he curled into the fetal position; a light whimpering escaped his chapped lips. He was having the nightmares again, but this time it was not his mother being attacked and beaten, it was him. A torment he had endured many times at home, but never as violently as was portrayed in this last dream.

_It was just a dream. _He told himself this over and over again, but this dream was not something he would or could easily forget or get over. It was vivid, and playing over in his mind like a black and white film strip.

_His father sat over him, yelling about how unfortunate it was to have an idiot son like him; a son who wasted his time with his head buried in some book. How Severus could never amount to anything than a mere magician. How it was all a waste of time to have foolish dreams like his stupid incompetent mother._

_Snape tried to tell his father to shut up and that he was going to be more of a man and amount to more than his father ever had, but every time he opened his mouth to speak he was hit across the face sharply, kicked in the stomach with enough force to knock out a grown man, or pushed roughly into a wall leaving an imprint of his bottom. It got worse as he tried to fight back. Tobias would choke Severus and threatened to kill his mother right there in front of him. Snape begged him not to and all Tobias did was smack him and chuckle menacingly. _

_His father had always found a way of making Severus nervous and apprehensive. He got tired of feeling on edge all the time, but never was Severus more aware of his movements and word choice than when his father entered a room, but to his dismay in his nightmare he had not been so careful. For some reason he had found something that felt like courage. When he finally had the opportunity to speak, he told his father of how much he loathed him, and how he had wished he had never been born into the hell hole Tobias had created; a bravery in which reality would have never had been allowed to be instilled within him, but his dim witted subconscious had made that wrong choice._

"_I can make that happen boy!" his father spat in an explosion that Severus had never seen before._

_Snape, fully aware of where his tongue landed him, backs into a corner. "Please don't," he begged more desperately than he ever had before._

_Tobias let a deep grumble of a laugh escape his lips, "You're pathetic! No real son of mine would cower in a corner. Stand up and fight like a man! Hasn't your idiot mother taught you any useful spells? Stupid fucking boy!"_

_Snape stayed where he was, ignoring his father's ignorant, drunken taunts, knowing he could not feed his father's fury any further, but Tobias was already enraged enough that Severus needn't do anything more; his hate fueled like a roaring fire._

_Tobias raised his arm and with a sudden, but deliberate punch to his son's face; causing Severus to hit the floor with an earthquake of a thud. In actuality, Snape woke from the dream in a panic; his heart racing._

Snape sat in bed trying in vain to calm himself, he was shaking uncontrollably. He had never had a nightmare so vivid and real. He needed to figure out a way to make these damn dreams go away. He could not go on any longer knowing his father could torment him both at home and while he was away at Hogwarts. He prayed that his father knew nothing of the hold he had on him. He did not like that his home life had so easily crept into his one place of solace. It was not fair! He deserved a break from his place of purgatory: his home.

_I can't deal with this annoyance any longer! This has to stop! _

He sat up in bed, debating whether it would be worth getting dressed and going down to the Great Hall. He still had an indication doubled with suspicion that today was not going to be his day. Something was going to happen; he could feel it right down to the hair floccules in his arms. He rubbed his temples trying to clear his head. He was being paranoid. He decided that his best bet would be to eat quickly and get to class before Potter and Black could reach him.

Severus got up and put his Hogwarts robes on, his eyes scanning the room hoping that no one would bother him. He had a feeling that he was being watched; he chose to ignore the feeling. He thought it was just his paranoia kicking in as it repeatedly did. He was not well liked within the confines of the Slytherin house either. They had all thought him to be a book worm, and not really worth their time, a nuisance. Although, recently a few of them did not seem to mind his presence now and again, this made the confines of the Slytherin dormitory quite bearable for a young peculiar boy like Severus Snape.

After dressing, he quickly made his way to the Great Hall, and much to his surprise and relief he was practically alone. A few students drifted in and out of the hall, but it was not bustling as of yet. Sometimes his nightmares paid off, in that they woke him up early enough to avoid other students. He grabbed some toast and opened up his potions book reading through a couple of the potions, taking mental notes of when these might come in handy. His body began to relax; he was in his own world, safe from torment or harm, when he heard a voice. He looked up seeing her across the room. Lily Evans, there she was in all her splendor and beauty. She was talking to some friends, she smiled at him, or so he thought. Severus felt a slight blush rise on his cheeks and then diminish. He was kidding himself.

_She could never like me or find me attractive. She will never really love me. I wish Lily, I wish. _

She was just being nice to him, had been nice to him all these years because he was such a loser. He knew that in his heart to be true. He loved her more than she would ever love him. Lily Evans could not possibly in any universe like him the way that he liked her.

_I am a freak and she is perfection personified. It is just another dream that will never happen. Let it go._

He might have been fourteen and inexperienced and even awkward when it came to love, but he knew then that the only person he would ever truly love was Lily. He was not going to allow himself to get false hope that she would one day love him, not just love him, but romantically be involved with him. She was in a completely different realm than he was, but even though he told himself not to give into his fantasies of being with her; he could not help but entertain the idea every once and a while.

_I love you, Lily._

As Severus sat lost in his boyish thoughts, he suddenly found himself inches from his toast, slightly confused until realities unrelenting voice chimed in.

"What are you looking at Snivellus?" Potter asked. Black jeered, Snape was their entertainment.

"He thinks Lily is interested in a greasy haired git like him," Black chimed in. Snape's ears were ringing and turning red as he felt himself become angry. He hated these two beyond anyone else. They were ruining his life.

Yet, something in Snape kept him from fighting back, from flailing about in an attempt to get away, but his mouth did not listen to his mind's plea to stay quiet, "Shut up, Black. Why don't you both just shove off?"

"Oh he's getting cheeky now."

"We should wash his mouth out."

_Why did I speak? Why did I get out of bed? _

Severus wrapped his legs around his chair in a desperate attempt to combat them and keep them from picking him up. He hoped at the very least that it would offer them some degree of difficulty. His long finger nails dug into the edge of the table in preparation for their attempt to pick him up. He clenched his teeth.

Both boys over took him in a matter of seconds, lifting him effortlessly out of the chair. Snape dragged his feet on the ground in an effort to slow them, hoping that someone would stop them. Or at least give him time to reach for his want and thwart their efforts. He looked over at Lily who looked shocked and upset for him; the girls she was with were pointing and laughing.

_How is someone else's misery funny? And I get told I am the morbid one._

He could have sworn they were chanting something about shoving him in the toilet, but everything was a blur and happening quickly, too quickly for him to have an appropriate reaction. He struggled and thrashed about trying to get away, but it seemed Mr. Potter and Mr. Black had quite the grip on each of his arms.

Severus gave one more attempt at a getaway, and thrashed about manically, kicking Potter and Black as hard and with as much force as he could muster. This only enraged the two bullies. They dragged him into the bathroom, and practically threw him on the floor.

Snape scrambled to his feet like a confused spider; hold his want up at them in defense.

_Do something, Severus! _His mind screamed at him.

Black laughs, "Oh so scary."

"Petrificus Tota…" Snape began.

Potter raised his want, "Expelliarmus."

Snape's wand flew out of his hand.

"What a filthy waste of space. Petrificus Totalus."

_No! No! This is not happening to me!_

To Snape's disappointment, his body succumbed to the curse, causing him to fall on the floor, frozen but opened mouth; his eyes showing every ounce of fear that was within him. He should not have gotten out of his blasted bed today, he hated when he did not listen to the telltale signs that his body gave off when it knew that getting up that morning was not going to end well for him.

_Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!_

"Accio soap," a bar of soap soared through the air into Potter's awaiting opened hand.

"Time to wash a cheeky bastard's mouth out."

Snape tried with all his might to move, but nothing worked. He was going to have to endure whatever they put him through, and who knew how many hours he would be stuck in this frozen state.

With that said the soap was lodged into Snape's mouth. They waited a few minutes before pulling it out of his mouth; and moved him over to a vacant lavatory.

"In the toilet he goes," Black said gleefully.

_Great. They're going to drown me now._

They shove him face first into the toilet several times, flushing it every now and then. Some of the water had gotten into Snape's mouth. He gaged, unable to spit any of it out from the lack of motion in his body. It was mixing with the soap residue on his teeth. This had been one of the worst things to date that he had endured from Black and Potter.

"How many times do I have to flush to get rid of you?" Potter asked in disgust, but laughed.

"Too many damn times," Black added with a chuckle.

_Kill me now! Just end my miserable life. We would all be happier for it. Even if I die from drowning in a toilet. _

Snape could not help his pitiful thoughts. He was done, done with being bullied at Hogwarts and at home. What did his life matter anymore? No one cared about him. He could not handle the physical and emotional beat downs any longer. It had to stop, and stop soon!

After a few more attempts to flush Severus down the loo they abandoned the task out of boredom, and leave sewage soaked Snape to lie there waiting for the curses effects to wear off, as soap bubbles bled like blood from his mouth. His mind was racing with things he should have done, and blistering insults he wish he could shout to the heavens for bringing such a plague as Potter and Black upon him.

STUPID POTTER AND BLACK! ASSHOLES! He wished he could have shouted the last part. He wanted to get a word in edge wise, at least have something to say about what had just happened.

As he laid there the nightmare from the previous night crept its way into his head, and all he could hear was his father's voice over and over again.

"_You're pathetic! No son of mine would cower in a corner. Stand up and fight like a man. Hasn't your idiot mother taught you any useful spells? Stupid fucking boy!"_

For once his father was right. He was pathetic, he was a coward. What right did he have at even being at Hogwarts?

_I am not meant to be a wizard. I can't even defend myself against scum like Potter and Black._

He was going to lie there for hours. No one was going to come looking for him. He was a loser, a failure, and worst of all he was a Snape. An unfortunate soul meant to be tortured and taunted by idiots. Well he was not going to allow that to happen any longer.

_You are better than they are! You are smarter! Do something about him! _

His mind raced through many possibilities of what he needed to do. It was go time; he had to do something that would erase what everyone had thought about him. He was not weak, he was strong, and he was going to prove it. Black and Potter were going to be taken by surprise, especially when Severus Snape kicked their asses.

_I am more dangerous than they ever know. _Each thought pumped him up. He needed the ego boost and he did not care that he was giving to himself.

He would start working on a plan to take down the two Gryffindor bullies. He wanted them to be expelled more than anything else. If they were not going to use Hogwarts as a place to further their magical learning, then he was not going to let them ruin his experience at the school. He could not just allow them to walk all over him, not when this school was supposed to be his home away from home. He was going to find a way to be one step ahead of them at all times.

_Time to show them what you're made of, Severus. Prove them all wrong! Prove to them you are smarter and more cunning than they ever imagined._

A smile played across his lips as ideas came soaring like eagles into his head of what he had to do to ruin his vain enemies: Potter and Black. The body binding curse was beginning to wear off, and the time was slowly arriving when he would be able to work and develop his plan.


	3. Chapter 2: Plan Forming

CHAPTER 2: Plan Forming

**A/N: Another edited chapter. **

**I would like to thank all of those who are reading and reviewing. I appreciate the love, and love hearing ideas from other Snape fans.**

**Please let me know if you find any grammatical errors in this. I know that I could not have possibly have caught everything on my own and I would very much like to have this edited to an almost perfect condition. Thank you.**

Once the body binding curse wore off Severus decided that it was best to avoid attending class that day. Instead he thought it better to try and make a trip to the restricted section in the library. He wanted to look up a curse his mother had once told him about, but unfortunately the library was too busy. He was frustrated, but thought his best option was not to try and sneak into the restricted section.

_What am I going to do now?_

Another, more logical, idea crossed his bleak mind. He would write a letter to his mother. He owed her a letter back anyway. He had a few questions for her. He needed to know more about the curse in question, as well as how to go about creating spells. He wanted to make sure he had spells in his arsenal that neither Black nor Potter had ever heard of nor had any defense against. Since she had taught him about the Dark Arts, he thought it best to go to her with these questions instead of trying to trick one of his professors into giving him the information he sought.

_Mum,_

_I have some questions for you pertaining to my studies_. _I am hoping you can answer them. I remember a curse that you once told me about that could make a victim fell as though they were being impaled. What was it called? The answer will help me get extra points on an essay. I was also wondering how someone would go about creating their own spells._

_-Severus_

_P.S. I am doing fine. Don't worry._

In the last letter she had been able to send to him, she had inquired about how he was. She had been worried ever since he sent a letter with a short sentence scribbled on the parchment: "Hogwarts is worse than home." At the time he meant it, but now that he was taking control of the situation, she need not worry about him.

_You won't have to worry about me as long as I am a step ahead of the self-righteous Gryffindor scum. And I will be._

He knew that the last part of his letter was a stretch of the truth, but he was not about to worry his mother with why he was asking such questions. He would let her think that it was academic, purely academic. He knew she might ask why he needed to know, but he also knew that she would answer his questions without much hesitation. She never would want him to get into any trouble, he was her baby boy. She loved to teach her son about the magical world, he has always been inquisitive and he learned quickly. He was Eileen Prince Snape's son without any doubt.

He knew it was a short and direct letter, but he was not about to flower his letter with overtly affectionate wording when he knew that he would not receive any in return. While he knew that his mother loved him it was just not something his family practiced, besides he just wanted information, not an update of how horrible and horrendous a state things were in at home. He just hoped that the letter would arrive to his mother without a single problem. He needed these answers. It was imperative for his success that he received the answers to his questions. That was the only way he was going to succeed in getting any sort of revenge on Potter and Black.

He took a quick look over the letter thinking and agonizing for a moment before adding:

_P.S. don't lie to me. I know everything is not well._

He slipped the letter into his robe pocket for later delivery. He decided to look through the library shelves, picking up a book about various potions. He wanted and needed to read up more on the Draught of Living Death, it might come in handy in the future.

Severus often found himself in resentful murderous moods. He had day dreams about murdering Black and Potter, but he was not sure that he could ever be a murderer. He envied those that were so callous and cold much like his father, but he knew that it was wrong of him to want to be such a morbid monster. He did not want the chance of someone comparing him to his father.

He sat down with the books he had pulled from off the shelves, he opened one of them and started reading. His nose inches from the pages as he frantically scribbled and scrawled down information that interested him as he came across it, and every now and then he would raise his face from the book and look around the room in a paranoid manner. He did not want to run into Black or Potter. That would defeat the purpose of his being in the library at that moment.

After his quick scan of the room he went back to his pile of books. He was deeply in concentration writing down frantically various potion names and their ingredients if they were listed, while comparing them to what already resided in his current potion book.

"What are you doing?" came the sweet voice of Lily.

She could always shake him from his concentrated stupor. She was amazing, and he decidedly at the age of fourteen that he would have her for his own one day, most likely only in his best dreams.

Snape jumped a little as he realized she was actually there, he shut, rather slammed the book closed. "Reading," he managed.

Severus disliked how easily startled he was, but he did like that it was Lily that startled him and not someone else. Lily was the girl of his delusional fantasies. She sat next to him catching a glimpse of what he had written, but she thought nothing of it. Severus was often reading about potions, spells, and various curses. She just thought of it as a hobby of his and would only worry if his curiosity ventured into anything dangerous. She did not want to see him involved in anything that would harm their friendship; she cared about him very much.

"You didn't come to class," she pointed out the obvious.

"I was indisposed thanks to a pair of ingrates," he did not look at her as he spoke. She did not protest Black and Potter dragging him out of the Great Hall, what did she care then? Snape knew that although Lily did not agree with the way Black and Potter had treated him, that she was developing a soft spot for Potter. He was starting to become doubtful and apprehensive about his relationship with Lily Evans. Was she going to stop being his friend soon because of Potter? Would Potter win her over? Hell knew that the four eyed freak was trying to. Snape could not lose Lily. She was the only person that made him feel normal, and that had any kind of idea of what his home life was like. Lily was a rock for him, someone that he could actually rely on to care about him, or so he thought.

_Maybe I am wrong about her. She is a Gryffindor after all, a very pretty Gryffindor._

Lily sighs, "I don't understand why they torment you so much. Maybe I can help you make them stop. Or you could talk to one of the teachers."

_And be picked on more because I can't fight my own damn battles? Hell no! If you think they torment me now imagine if I cried out for help what they would do to me. You know nothing Lily. Sometimes I wonder why I am in love with you._

Severus had been spending time, often moments in the evenings contemplating why he was so attracted to Lily. The only thing he ever found truly wrong with her was she was friends with Potter. He would never understand Lily's sudden infatuation with the pig headed twit. It was disgusting and irrevocably disheartening for the young Slytherin.

Snape scoffed, "What good would that do me? I don't need anyone's help fighting my own battles." He especially did not want her help. How would that make him look? He already looked pathetic; he could not have a girl fight his battles. He was not weak, maybe a little undisciplined but never weak. He had endured too many traumas to be weak. He knew things about magic that Potter and Black only dreamt of ever knowing, and he probably knew of things that they would never think fathomable or imagine knowing. He was going to be just fine on his own; he was stubborn enough and self-assured that he could handle things on his own. Now whether that was Slytherin born arrogance taking over or not it did not matter, he knew he was capable of inflicting equal torment on his foes.

"Just don't sink down to their level. You are much better than that, Sev."

_What do you know? _He thought, not wanting any compliments from her. He was feeling like a jerk, but he could not help it. He was frustrated with his lot in life.

Snape was done heeding Lily's one note advice. She had once told him that if he ignored their name calling that they would get bored and would leave him alone. He tried it, and his attempt failed miserably. He ended up with his third bloody nose in a week all because he had ignored their taunts and jibs. He had endured enough hate fueled banter from the Gryffindor duo. He had decided that Lily's advice might have worked for someone else, but that it would never work with him.

_There are just some things that cannot be ignored. And unfortunately for me Potter and Black are two things I can't ignore._

She might have been one of the smartest witches he knew, but she was also starting to become one of the biggest annoyances he knew as well. She needed to stop acting like she knew everything. He was starting to get mixed emotions about Lily, and he started to suspect her of helping her fellow Gryffindors. He knew he was most likely wrong, but he could not help being suspicious. Besides he knew what he needed and had to do. He was going to find a reason to get Potter and his friends expelled. Then their reign of terror would be over with and he would be free to do as he pleased. He hungered for the freedom from Black and Potter.

_I will have them where I want them. And I will do it all on my own. You will all see what I am capable of. _

"Too late," he retorted coldly. He was annoyed that she could not see that he had no choice.

"It is never too late." There she was the eternal optimist. Had she not realized yet that his life was void of any meaning of optimism? He did not want to change, he wanted to go through with his plan. He wanted Lily to really understand him.

"You're right it is never too late. It is not too late to pay them back for the hell they have put me through. Thank you for that reminder, Lily."

"That's not what I meant, Sev. You shouldn't let it bother you so much. They are immature," the annoyance was thick in her voice. She cared about Severus, but sometimes he was just too thick headed to really listen to her.

He should not let it bother him? He should let them shove soap in his mouth and force him into the toilet? Then leave him on the bathroom floor immobilized? This was utter rubbish! She did not know what she was talking about.

_Do you hear yourself, Lily? You don't make any sense._

"Well, it does bother me, and I am going to make them pay for what they have done to me."

"Sev, don't start this. Rise above. Let me help you."

_Rise above what? I am going to show them that I am better in my own way._

"I don't need your help. I don't want your help," he said icily. He had not meant to sound so cold, but he could not help it. He knew that he was hurting her, and later he would apologize for it, but right now he felt no need to.

"Fine."

They both sat there in silence, the only noise was whispers and books being opened or closed at surrounding tables. Snape did not have anything further to say to her; he would have just said something that he regretted. She should have understood him, her of all people. Why were they drifting apart? Was it because they were in different houses?

_Potter and Black are to blame! _His mind screamed and reeled through the possibilities of their reckoning.

He tried to rationalize and decided that their problems were not from Lily's insufferable crush on Potter, but that they were in different houses. The idea of it being because they were from two different houses, Slytherin and Gryffindor, seemed to calm him. Their different houses held different values and ideas about what made a good, worthy witch or wizard. Was this really what was driving them apart?

Snape decided that he could no longer delve into what it possibly meant that she was not even considering how he felt. He did not want to dive into the shallow pool of answers, they would just hurt. There was only one answer that he truly feared: Potter. He needed to focus, and desperately had to finish looking up as much information about annihilating his foes.

"Sev," there was a soft pleading to her voice, "just don't do anything stupid. I like having you as a friend. And I know that you don't want my help, but I am here to help you if you so choose to accept it," with that said she walked away, frustrated and upset with him.

Severus watched her walk away. He knew that he had upset her and it hurt him, but he had to prove to himself and others that he did not need her help. Besides she was being foolish, and he could not take help from someone that was foolish. Had she not seen him dragged out of the Great Hall and tormented by Black and Potter? She needed to open up her pretty, emerald green eyes and see what was actually happening. He was being bullied and he was going to take care of the situation.

_I am done being bullied! I am done being laughed at._

Snape was not going to let what just happened with Lily derail him from his agenda. He had to come up with some new tricks to use against the Gryffindor fools. He spent another half an hour looking potions and spells up. He needed to prepare for anything Black and Potter would throw his way.

Learning new spells was a must, and he knew that the baboons spent an excess amount of time learning and practicing spells, mainly on him, that had yet to be taught to them in class. He himself had spent some time doing the same thing, but he knew that there was a good chance that he was behind in his illegal spell learning. Severus was going to need to be a few steps ahead of them at all times if he was going to succeed. This was going to require a lot of time and spying, some things luckily Snape had and was good at. In the end it was all going to be worth the extra effort to be rid of those two.

He put the books away, and stuffed the notes he had written down into his pockets for safe keeping, he was well aware that his grooming habits kept people away; it was partially intentional. He knew, because of that reason, that no one would dare touch him.

Snape knew that he had many more hours of studying in the library ahead of him, but it was time to stop for the day. He was going to acquire as much information as he was capable of before his onslaught of Potter and Black could really begin. Snape was going to come out on top and they were going to be the ones cowering under him for a change.

Severus was not the type to miss classes, but he could not go today. Not with what had happened to him, besides the two assholes had probably told the entire school about the hell that they had put him through. So, class was not an option for him today. He knew he was going to answer for missing classes, but it was going to be worth his while. He would have the last laugh.

_No detention or punishment will impact what I am planning on doing. It will only motivate me further. _

He knew what he would do. He would either plant something sinister on the two that would get them expelled or he would catch them in the act of some horrible prank and report them. He would deal with the consequences of being a tattle tale. It was the only way he could live in peace at the school of witchcraft and wizardry. His plan would not fail, he was determined beyond reason. Severus Snape was for once and for all going to get revenge on the bullying oafs of Gryffindor house.

Severus decided to go find an owl to deliver the letter to his mother. This was a time that he wished he had his own owl. He did not want any chances of the message getting lost or mixed up, that was all he needed. He could not afford that happening. Snape also wished above anything else that his father would be asleep or passed out drunk when the owl arrived at his home with the letter. He really wanted and needed these answers. Severus needed these pieces to begin the efforts on his plan. Snape hoped that he would not have to wait long for his answers; he knew with little doubt that his mother would have answers for him. She was a brilliant woman.

**A/N: One last note. As I edit I have started to make chapters slightly longer. I am hoping to give the most accurate information that I can. **

**Oh and please remember that Snape is fourteen. That means there will be no love scenes/ sex scenes with Lily. (I have had people PM message me about this.) Besides I rather like that Snape has a huge crush on Lily and they seem to have a working friendship. **


	4. Chapter 3: Attempt Foiled

**Chapter 3: Attempt Foiled**

**A/N: Well, this is about to become interesting. Again sorry about the slow build up. Thank you to any that have taken an interest in this story. It has been a labor indeed. I've been struggling with how exactly I want Mr. Severus Snape to be, but I think I have my bearings now and all will be good with the world!**

**Disclaimer: No, I do not own Harry Potter. JK Rowling owns Harry Potter. I just own the little world I have created in my head. It is a happy place.**

Snape walked to the owlery, his head was up, and for once he was not walking with a slouch. All hell was about to break loose and he was going to be the one for once that caused it. This was going to be a battle that he would win. Neither Potter nor Black would see what was coming. Those fools were about to pay dearly for all the strife they had caused him, and for the chink in his relationship with Lily.

_Damn Potter and his friends. _

As he made his way to the owls he heard laughter that he recognized. His stomach churned nervously, but he knew that if he did not take a stand that he would regret it for the rest of his life. He waited a few moments outside the owlery. He wanted to hear what the two ingrates were discussing. He was not surprised by what he heard:

"James, next time we should drown him."

"I just don't see what Lily sees in that slimy git."

"Well, maybe you should go without washing your hair for a few weeks, months… Do you think it took him years to get his hair that way?" Sirius mused.

"She wants me to be nicer to him. Bloody. Be nice to him."

"You should really take him under your wing, James. Be all buddy buddy," Sirius couldn't help but laugh. Who in their right mind would ever become friends with him? Oh right, Lily was friends with him.

As Severus listened he couldn't help but feel rage well up in him. Had he not told Lily to stay out of it? She was being foolish if she thought that was going to get him anywhere.

_Stupid woman._

He boldy walked into the owlery, thinking it was now or never. His left hand tucked into his robe pocket in case he needed to remove his wand quickly.

The two boys turned glaring at him.

"Oh look its Snivellus. Have a good morning with toilet? I heard it really enjoyed your company," Sirius greeted him.

"So, creative Black. Come up with it on your own or did Potter feed you that line?" Snape asked.

"Want to make another trip to the toilet? I hear you two are best friends now," James stated.

"I think they are planning a slumber party tonight. Gonna wear something nice for your bed partner Snivellus?"

Snape could feel the heat rising to his face, his hand gripped his wand tightly.

James laughs, "Look at that Sirius we've made him speechless. Poor, poor Snivellus is getting picked on. Are you going to run to get Lily? Do you need a girl to fight your battles for you?"

"Shut the hell up, Potter. At least she speaks to me! I don't have to sit around whining in the Owlery about how she's not my friend."

"Friend? You think Lily is your friend? I think she just feels sorry for someone as pathetic as you are!"

Severus had drawn his wand. He was enraged; of course Lily was his friend. They had been friends since they were nine years old. She was more his friend than Potter's any day. She had constantly told him about how arrogant and needy he was.

"She is my friend," Snape Smirked triumphantly. He had Lily as a friend. "All you are is an annoyance Potter.

Severus felt a surge of confidence flow through him. He was not going to mope around anymore. He was going to start sticking up for himself more than he ever had. These two Gryffindors were no longer going to be able to torture him without some kind of repercussions.

He no longer felt like having a conversation, his wand was drawn, why not use it?__

"Furnuncu…" Severus started the curse, but was interrupted by Professor McGonagall.

"Mr. Snape what do you think you're doing?"

Snape glowered at McGonagall, "Nothing short of putting a few boils on Potter." He didn't know why he stated his intentions; he was mad, mad that she had caught him. He would have achieved success had she not walked in the room. _Damn Professor McGonagall. _

"Now if you don't want to get into any trouble I suggest you boys be on your way," she indicated to Sirius and James. "I would like to speak with you Mr. Snape."

Snape groaned internally. He wanted to be sent on his way as well. He had things that he needed to do, mainly spy on Black and Potter.

"I know that I am not your head of house, but I have heard that Potter and Black are giving you a difficult time."

"It is not anything that I cannot handle," he said dryly.

"Well, going around cursing them is not the way to handle the situation."

Snape glared, and through gritted teeth he spoke, "Professor, it is none of your concern. If I need any help I will go to my head of house. Now if you will excuse me I have a letter to send to my mother." With that he walked over to an owl and attached the letter to its leg sending it off.

He was infuriated, he had them right where he wanted them and Professor McGonagall ruined everything. _Of course she was going to protect them. They were her pets, favored students. _He walked past McGonagall heading back into the castle, hoping to come across Black and Potter. He noticed that they seemed to be up to something more than just reminiscing about putting him through hell. It was like they were more irritated than usual that he had shown up. What were they up to?

He decided to walk about the castle, he was going to figure out what they were up to, and put an end to whatever it might have been.

**A/N: Not a long chapter I know, but I am working on uncovering a bit more information that might be useful in the next chapters. Thank you to all that have read this. Please review, I would like feedback. **


	5. Chapter 4: Intentions

Chapter 4: Intentions

**A/N: I was not expecting to get this chapter up for a few more days, but I had a surge on inspiration. Now this is where it starts to get good. I am very fond of this chapter. I put a lot of work into it and it is making me want to rewrite the others to add a little more information into them. I hope you like this. Read and Review and let me know what you think.**

Severus spent the next few days following Potter and Black about the castle, making sure to stay out of their way. His intentions were to figure out what they were up to, and he did not intend to get caught by them. He had collected a few clues, but he was unsure of what they meant. From what he had gathered was that they were having difficulty with a spell of some kind. He just wasn't sure if the clues he had were adding up.

_What the hell am I missing? _

It was almost as if they knew he had been keeping an eye on them. This idea infuriated him. How could they possibly know that he was anywhere near them? He was smarter than they were and it showed when many of his conclusions about them were right. They were always up to something and it invariably involved him, a fact that he wished did not exist. It was like they were doing different experiments on him seeing which ones would hurt him the most, whether emotionally or physically, and all of this because he was a proud Slytherin. The arrogance of Gryffindors sickened him. They thought that they knew everything, and the worst thought of all was that Slytherins were evil and Gryffindors were good. The house you were sorted into did not determine whether you were a good or bad person. It did not make any sense, Snape had done nothing wrong and the oafish Black and Potter saw fit to torment him whenever time would permit.

_They will pay one day! They will see that they cannot treat Severus Snape like he's worthless._

He needed more information before he just accused them of something. He wanted them all gone for good, the whole lot of them. Severus did not like that he had to stoop so low as to spying on them, but he did not have any other way of getting information. Asking Lily to help him had crossed his mind, but he was beginning to think that she fancied Potter. He noticed the way she looked at him, even when he did something that annoyed her. He was losing his only friend to the be-speckled fiend. Snape would not allow that to happen, he desperately wanted to be with Lily, to be the one she fell in love with, but Potter was going to ruin all of that.

Severus had spent many a moon in the Library, but more recent he spent his time crouching behind a behemoth pile of books, or an overcrowded shelf, all in the hopes of his ears catching another clue from the lips of one of the Gryffindor foursome. They were all in on it now, whatever it may have been and that was more irritating for him.

Many nights now had Severus found himself lying in bed mulling over the conversations he had heard between the foursome. Something about their conversations was not fitting; the puzzle pieces did not mesh. It was like they knew he was there and was making sure he did not understand. Between them talking about the Shrieking Shack and learning how to change their images was more than boggling for Severus's fourteen year old mind, yet he knew that they had to tie in somehow someway. He was just missing a key component, and he needed to figure out what it was.

There was one conversation in particular that had haunted him. It was a peculiar piece of diction. He could hear the conversation echoing in his head.

"_The Shrieking Shack is going to be a great hang out," Black had spoken._

"_Yeah once we figure out how to get this spell down."_

"_I told you it was too advanced," Lupin the always the voice of reason of the group._

"_Oh hell, even if the damn spell takes us over a year to accomplish we've still got a lot of time to hang out in the old shack," Potter mused._

"_And once we have it mastered think of how much more fun we'll all have. And just think about all the pranks we can do. No one will have a clue that it is us."_

Severus did not understand how was it possible to be able to do anything without a soul knowing who had done it. Was there such a spell? And how did the Shrieking Shack help them with their plan? How did they get into the Shrieking Shack, it was boarded up. How were they getting into Hogsmeade without the teachers knowing? None of it mad a damn bit of sense.

_What could they possibly be hiding?_

A few weeks had passed, and it seemed that the oafs had given up researching, or maybe it was something else. Were they aware of his presence? Was his fear realized?

They haven't been to the library in weeks, and they have not been wreaking havoc on the school grounds either. What could those fools possibly be up to?

It was frustrating. He had spent a few weeks prior actually gaining momentum on their intentions. He knew that they had not left the ground of Hogwarts, he had Lily to thank for the information. They were probably hanging around their house common room, the one place that he could never get into. They were not finding reasons to torment him either, and for the sheer fact that they were purposely ignoring him it worried Severus all the more. It could only mean that they were planning something vile against him. That was the only outcome he could come up with.

With a self-assuredness that only he could carry he decided to go to the library and see if he could not conjure up an answer that fit his misshapen puzzle pieces. Surely the answer to the riddle that had been presented to him was hidden away in one of the many books that housed themselves in the library.

He walked into the library expecting it to be empty, it was a Saturday afternoon, and usually his fellow students would be milling around outside. He was not going to be a part of such frivolity; he had work to be done. He had to start looking through books, maybe find something about the Shrieking Shack. In his determined forthrightness he did not notice the troublemaking Gryffindors sitting a few tables away, until it was almost too late.

Shit, shit, shit! I can't get caught. That will spoil all my efforts.

Snape, on this occasion, tucked himself behind a bookcase in the corner of the room, he was able to look through a space on one of the shelves missing an occupant. He strained his ears trying to hear what was being said. They were talking in a mere whisper, not their normal obnoxious jovial tones. Something sounded like it had gone wrong. Severus found himself smirking at the thought of one of them being injured, and then his smirk grew into something broader when he noticed that Lupin was not there. Had he been injured by some stupid stunt that they had tried to pull? Snape's mind whirled with the endless possibilities. He could only hope that whatever had happened had scared them shitless in hopes that they would stop the tirade, but at the same time he had hoped that whatever had happened landed them in the headmaster's office. How many strikes against them could it possibly take before they were expelled?

He stopped his small mental celebration when he heard something that interested him.

"Remus will be back tomorrow. Maybe he can help us figure it out," Potter said exasperated. "We've tried everything."

The frustration in his voice was music to Severus Snape's ears. He had never heard Potter so irritated at not having an answer. It was a beautiful sight to behold, and he was enjoying it.

"I still do not understand what the hell we're doing wrong," Black said with an air of frustration that was refreshing for Snape. That was something that was almost never seen from Black. He always carried himself with an air of superiority, like he knew everything there was to know about anything. This was refreshing indeed.

"Maybe we should stop trying," Pettigrew spoke nervously. Snape had to admit, he was surprised that Potter, Black, Lupin had even hung out with the runt. He was useless, and more of a fan of them than a friend, A talent-less fool.

"Give up? Oh come on, we never give up. That is the coward's way," Potter said smacking Pettigrew roughly on the back.

Pettigrew frowned rubbing the spot Potter had hit, "If we're caught we'll get in trouble."

"Well, here's the thing we don't get caught," Black said confidently. "You should know that by now."

_Your luck is about to change_, Snape thought darkly, a small grin playing on his features. These changes in events were joyous for the fourteen year old. He had spent much of his time at Hogwarts trying to hide and avoid them, but to know that for once they were having difficulty with something, and that arrogant Potter could not do something was a miracle in itself.

"Besides no one is here to catch us."

Snape could not help but chuckle to himself. He had them exactly where he wanted, Unknowing and unsuspecting. These eased any suspicions he had about them knowing that he had been spying on them. His confidences soared at that moment. _I've got you all right where I want you. Trapped like a little bug under a plastic cup. _

Pettigrew's frown deepened, "Yeah, I suppose."

As Severus sat there enjoying the splendor of the moment he couldn't help but wonder where Lupin had gone. Was he in the hospital? It did not seem so, otherwise his friends would have been there with him and not in the library. Maybe that was the missing piece? He had an itching feeling that it was, and now he felt like he was on the cusp of something. The puzzle pieces were inching closer together. All he needed was for them to slip up and let something spill out of their unhindered mouths, and he'd be able to use that information against him.

_Veritaserum. I could use that on them. But how would I get the ingredients without them knowing? Maybe Mum could send them. _He sighed internally; he had yet to receive a reply from his mother. He was keeping optimistic that she was alright, but he had a suspicion that his father had come across his letter instead of his mother. She had probably never received it. He hated that his father could not understand how wonderful it was to be a wizard, but he was not going to let that get to him. He had to stay focused and he would have all the information he needed to use against his enemies.

"Buck up. We're gonna get this," Potter spouted another confident uplift. There was a smile across his face. This displeased Snape, Potter was not supposed to be gaining confidence, Snape rather him be in the previous funk it better suited the situation.

_Smile while you can Potter. I will have the last laugh._

"Yeah even if it takes us all year or longer."

Snape was intently focused on the conversation, so he did not notice that his feet were on a pile of books that were beginning to tilt. Before he knew what had happened, the pile toppled to the ground and he followed with a big thud. His mind screamed as panic set in. He was caught and there was nowhere for him to run. All he could do was sit there and wait, and let the onslaught against him ensue.

Time seemed to move in slow motion. Severus could hear the screech of the chairs against the floor as they pushed their chairs back. He knew that they were coming to see who had been listening, and he was vulnerable.

Potter and Black made their way around the corner. Each more vexed than the next at seeing him. He was stuck in a pile of books with nowhere to go.

"Well, if it isn't Snivellus," Potter said exacerbated.

"Spying on us are you?"

"I was just getting a book. I can't help it if you are in the library when I am," Snape practically spat at them.

Potter and Black looked at one another each obviously not believing a word that Severus had said. He'd really fucked up now. He felt stupid and part of himself told him that he deserved whatever Black and Potter did to him.

Snape dug his hand into his robes desperately searching for his wand; he had to dig through the quills and pieces of parchment he had brought along in the effort to study and figure out their intentions. His hand finally grasped the end of his wand as he quickly pulled it out of his pocket. His wand outstretched in front of him as he was wracking his brain for a spell. Where had his wealth of cursing knowledge gone? He felt stupid. In the heat of the moment he could not remember a damn thing. Fear had overtaken him, and he knew he was going to suffer for his damn feet transgressing against the rest of his body. All he could do was hold his wand in front of him dumbfounded. Had he been cursed? No, that could not be it. Time was moving much too slowly, everything in that moment felt like it was taking hours instead of seconds.

"Expelliarmus," Both Potter and Black shouted at the same time.

Before Snape knew what had happened, his wand flew out of his hand and he went flying into the bookcase behind him.

A stream of blood leaked from Snape's nose. He reached his hand to his nose to try and stop the bleeding; he was unable to find his wand. His fingers lithely pinched his nose for about a second. It had hurt when he pinched it. It was broken. He glowered up at Black and Potter.

"That will teach you to spy on us again," Potter said.

Snape tried to get up and locate his wand, but in return for his movement he got another shot of pain. His left arm seemed to be broken. _Great another visit to Madame Pomfrey. The Bitch asks too many questions._

"Looks like he got what was coming to him. Let's get out of here before someone catches us," Black said urging Potter to leave.

Potter smirked at Snape, "Let this be a reminder to you, Snivellus, don't mess with me and my friends you git," and with that they left Snape lying in a pile of books, blood pouring over his face. A few people walked over to see what had happened. Some were his house mates, that only helped embarrassment and resentment soak in his wounds, vengeance was pumping blood through his heart. He couldn't take it any longer. This was not fair! He had been doing so well. Why did he become so bloody clumsy?

He tried to get up, this time with success. He cradled his left arm near his chest.

"Snape, we could help you if you wanted."

Snape looked up to see who it was. To his surprise it was Avery and Mulciber were standing over him.

"And how could you two possibly help me?" he asked. These two were almost as unpopular and disliked as he himself was.

"We hate Potter and Black, especially a blood-traitor like Black, almost as much as you do," Avery spat.

Snape had heard about the popularity of blood purity amongst the Slytherin house, but he never realized how important it really was to them. He was a half blood. Not that he could have chosen it, but often times he wished his mother had married a wizard and not run off with some muggle she'd fallen for.

Severus thought about it for a moment. Maybe he should think about what these two have to offer him. It wouldn't hurt, and it could not make anything worse.

"And how pray tell do you intend to help?"

"Well, there is a small group of us forming. We could offer you protection, and help taking Potter down. You've heard about that Wizard who is fighting for blood purity again, haven't you?"

Snape was not sure what they were talking about. He had seen in the Daily Prophet something about a group of witches and wizards forming in the light of the rise in popularity of wanting to purge the magical world of muggle-borns and traitors. He was not so sure he liked the idea. Lily was a muggle born and he could not be in a world that would purge her from it. She was the only light in his dimming shadow of a life. He was determined to keep her in his life as long as he could, and he did not think becoming part of a group of Slytherins bent on destroying muggle-borns was the way to go.

"I will think about it," Snape said. "I need to get to the hospital wing to tend to my arm and nose."

He started to walk past him when they stopped him.

"We know you study the Dark Arts. We've been doing some studying of it ourselves. Wouldn't you like to know more?"

That peeked Snape's interest, "Maybe we should discuss this another time, somewhere more quiet. I'll hear you out then." With that said Snape walked away. _Maybe that group will be of use to me. I wonder if any of them know of the curse I asked my mother about. _

The Dark Arts were something that intrigued him. His mother had taught him at length about some of the spells and curses that were brought to life by the Dark Arts. She used to tell him stories about wizards that had gotten involved in the Dark Arts and how they intended to achieve great power, but always a self-righteous braggart would come along and snatch up the glory form the so-called evil wizard. Snape never saw the wizards his mother would tell him about as evil, he was always fascinated by the power that they had possessed, and he himself hoped that one day he would achieve such a power, but until that day he was going to study at Hogwarts and get Potter and Black expelled.

He made his way to the hospital wing; he felt a little light headed, and having realized that he may have bled a little more than he thought.

"Tsk tsk tsk. Mr. Snape what happened this time? Was it another door?" Madame Pomfrey asked. She had seen him in her wing several times this year; each injury getting worse with each visit.

Severus did not answer her, "Just fix it." She glared at him, and with that he added a cold hearted, "Please."

Madame Pomfrey healed his arm and nose, but unfortunately his nose had been broken so many times that it now bent. Snape did not mind it though. He knew he was unattractive, so why not add a little more interest to his features. He however was not worried about his nose. He was thinking about what Avery and Mulciber had brought up. He would love to see what his pure-blooded house mates knew about dark magic. He was more than curious and a little worried. He knew how Lily felt about dark magic, but if she did not know what harm was that going to cause?

She had often bugged him about any other friends he had, now he'd be able to say that he had some and maybe for once she would drop the subject. She worried far too much about him sometimes, but Snape did not have any qualms about that. It meant she thought about him. Besides she did not know all of the truth of what hell Potter and Black had put him through, and she probably knew nothing of what they may be planning, and he had a feeling it was something that would be toward his detriment.

Severus needed to learn some new spells. Spells that Potter and Black would never dream of using, and his soon to be new friends might just know a few spells that would help him defend and maybe even maim them.

He had made up his mind. He was going to see what they could teach him. He needed some new ammo against Black and Potter anyway, and a little dark magic just might do the trick.

**A/N: So, Voldemort starts to take power at some point during the time James, Sirius, and Snape all are at Hogwarts. Different bands of Hogwarts take different stances on the situation. I may be altering Snape's intentions about joining the group, but I think that it fits where I want to take this story. Well, thank you to anyone that is reading this. **


	6. Chapter 5:Friends, Enemies,and Prejudice

Chapter 5: Friends, Enemies, and Prejudice

**A/N: Any innuendo in this chapter is intended for the sheer fact that I ship Lily and Severus, although everything between them is innocent, no matter how he may not have wanted it to be.**

**Let me know what you think. After this chapter things won't be building so slowly. **

Snape left the hospital wind with full intent on finding Avery and Mulciber. He was not a fan of getting help, but at this point he really had no choice. He needed help combating the Gryffindors, whether he liked it or not.

_Damn Potter. I'll get you back for everything you've put me through._

His confidence waxed low, he was upset with himself, and he also did not want to look anyone in the eye. It was already being whispered that he was spying on Potter, and that he was a nark. He had yet to tell on Potter for anything; whoever believed he was telling on them was an idiot. He had no useful information. Snape decided it best to just keep his head down low and head to the Slytherin common room. He would be safest there. Many of his fellow Slytherin's paid no mind to what the other houses were saying about fellow members of Slytherin.

As he walked, keeping eye contact with the stone floor, he ran into someone. Luckily for him he looked up before grumbling out some rude biting comment. It was Lily.

"Sorry, Lily," he said sounding a little defeated.

"It's alright, Sev. Can you help me get my books off the floor?"

Snape smiled slightly and obliged. He was feeling bad about their tiff in the library, and even though he would rather not admit it, he needed Lily's help. Maybe, to talk him out of befriending Avery and Mulciber, part of him wanted to be talked out of it. He did not know why he was feeling so unsure, it could be that he was just not used to having real friends, except for Lily. He was not the best at letting people in.

"How are you doing, Sev? I feel like we haven't talked in ages," Lily smiled. She had gotten over what had happened in the library easily enough. Being friends meant there was going to be the occasional disagreement, and she knew that.

"I am okay. I received another broken nose. Nothing major."

Lily sighed, deciding not to broach the subject of the ongoing battle between James and Severus, "Do you want to go sit under our tree? I need some fresh air, and I could use some time with my good friend."

"Of course," Snape said. He could use some time to relax, and spending that time with Lily would be a bonus. He might even forget some of the day's awful events.

They walked to their tree in silence, enjoying the soft breeze and the fresh air. It was a beautiful day outside. The sun was getting ready to set, but probably not for another hour or so.

_It is almost romantic. _Snape thought, he knew he should not be putting so much pressure on his time with Lily, but he could not help but hope that she held the same value on their time spent together as he did.

_It's just me and Lily, like it should be._

"What have you been up to?" Lily asked. Snape was relieved that they were back to their normal state of friendship. He did not like when they were "fighting" it made his life too difficult.

"I've just been trying to figure out some stuff."

"Like what?"

"Some spells for class," he lied, but he knew that he could not tell her he knew that Black and Potter were up to something. It always seemed to get them into a fight, and he did not want to discuss Potter and Black. He knew that he needed to find a way to get on the subject of Avery and Mulciber. A part of him wanted to be talked out of joining whatever mess they were going to get him involved in.

"Would you like some help?" They were now sitting, and Lily sat inches away from him. If he just moved his hand he would be touching hers, he wanted to hold her hand, but he could not bring himself to make such a bold move. He hand no intentions of ruining their friendship because he had strong feelings for Lily than she had for him. It was something he would just day dream about.

"Sure," Snape said.

"Which spells? Hey, did you write that essay for Slughorn yet?"

Severus opened one of the books that Lily was carrying, finding the supposed spell he was finding rather difficult at the moment. "Yes, I am done with my essay. Are you done?"

"Yes, it was harder than normal for me to stretch my essay to ten pages. Find the spells?"

"Yes," he shows her the spells, "I can't seem to get my wand movements right." He could not help the small smile that was growing on his face like a weed. He knew exactly what he was doing and he hoped it worked. He desperately wanted Lily to touch him, even if it was just on the hand. He needed to contact.

Lily gave a smile, "Well, Sev, show me what you've got and we will work from there."

"Okay, but I am warning you I am really bad." Severus stood up and purposely butchered the spell. "See. I just can't seem to get it. I am going to fail transfiguration."

He could see the glint of humor in Lily's eyes. She seemed to enjoy that he was needed so much help today, not in a way of making fun of him, but that he felt so safe around her.

Lily shook her head, "With the way you study and practice something until you get it right I don't think you will fail. Besides you have me here to help you."

She stood next to him and performed the exact spell, only she did it correctly. Snape gave it another go, but failed miserably.

"See. What am I doing wrong?"

Lily bit her lip, thinking for a moment before grabbing his left hand by the wrist, "You're moving your wand like this, when it should be more of a fluid movement. Not jerky. More like this," She moved his hand in the correct manner, hoping to illustrate how it was to be done properly.

Snape was in heaven, for once he had received exactly what he had wanted.

"Now you try it," Lily said letting go of his arm, smiling at him.

"Okay," Snape gave it another shot, and executed the spell perfectly.

"Is anything truly difficult for you? Honestly. You just always get things to work for you."

Snape thought for a moment, "Flying on a broom never works out for me."

Lily shook her head, "I wasn't really asking a question, Sev. Besides flying on a broom is not that important."

_I wish I was better at it though. I look like a fool when I am on one. It is shameful._

"I know," Snape said.

"No you did not or you would not have answered," Lily teased.

Snape sighed, "True." He smiled; he was fine with being wrong when he was with her.

Lily laughed a little, "Cheer up."

Snape loved her laugh. It was perfect, and no matter how clichéd it sounded, it was music to his ears. He began laughing as well. This was a much needed stress release, and a huge relief that they were able to sit and laugh without interruption.

Severus smiled, for one moment in his life he was actually happy. He had forgotten about Potter, as well as Avery and Mulciber's proposition. Nothing else mattered when he was in her presence. She made everything better. He wished that moments like this would last forever, but they hardly ever lasted long as is, people always found reasons to drag Lily away from him. In those moments he felt like he was something foul and they were saving her from him, maybe they truly thought they were. No one ever understood their friendship. He wanted people to understand that he never and would never force Lily to be his friend, his love for her was unconditional. She was they only true friend he ever had, and he would do everything and anything in his power not to mess it up.

"It's almost dinner time," Lily said, "I guess we should start heading in."

"I guess," Snape said gloomily. Time never seemed to slow for them. It just sped away, making it feel as though he were losing moments with her. She was slowly disappearing from his life, they were not spending as much time together as they had in the past, and Severus was feeling bitter. He was losing her.

"Come on. We don't want to get into trouble," Lily said as she dusted off her robes.

_I will just enjoy my time with her. She is still more my friend than Potter's and that is all that matters to me at this point. He can't have her I won't let him._

They made their way to the Great Hall together, each going to their perspective house tables. Severus made sure to sit in a spot where he could catch an occasional glimpse of Lily. He could not help his obsession with her, she was beautiful inside and out, and she made him see things differently, he saw things for what they truly were when with her, and not for what he had been told and taught they were. Life was beautiful and wonderful through Lily Evan's eyes.

He watched as Potter sat across from her. He watched as she gave Potter a smile, his smile, the one he only thought was reserved for him. Snape decided that she was only being nice to him. Lily was never mean to anyone. She was perfect like that, never wanting to upset someone unjustly.

Snape had not noticed that Avery had sat next to him, and was following Snape's eye line toward Lily.

"She's not perfect," Avery commented.

Snape glared at him. Who was he to say that Lily was not perfect? She was his definition of perfection.

"She's a mudblood and a Gryffindor. Two huge strikes against her," Avery continued ignoring the glare he was receiving from Severus.

"A what?" Snape had heard the term before, but he had never associated it with Lily.

"A mudblood. Impure blood. She should not even be at Hogwarts."

Snape could feel his face turn red from anger, "She is not impure. She happens to be my friend."

Avery rolled his eyes, "Well, your friend happens to be fraternizing with Potter a lot. Some friend she is. A true friend would not be hanging around another friend's enemy."

Snape thought for a moment, Avery had a point, but it was not like Lily was helping Potter pick on him, she was innocent in the concerns of that matter.

"She can be friends with whomever she wishes. All I care about is that she and I are friends. That is all that matters.

"Well, are you going to be able to be friends with her when she is dating Potter?"

Snape had avoided thinking about that possibility. He did not even want to consider that ever truly happening, but unfortunately he knew it was a possibility, a reality that was not too far off from being born.

"I'll cross that bridge when it happens."

"Well, until then are you still interested in joining us? We could help you get back at Potter and his gang of dim wits."

It was tempting, and now Snape was regretting not asking Lily about how to deal with this.

_I don't know what I should do. Could they really help me combat Potter and Black?_

In the end he decided that he would much rather have some help combatting Potter. He knew that Lily would not approve of his choice, but it felt like his only option.

_I feel like I have to see what they can offer me._

"Sure, but as long as we don't bring Lily up anymore," Snape did not want his high opinion of the young witch tarnished by anyone. If it was going to change it would be done by his own merits and not theirs.

"It's a deal. Meet us in the common room at midnight."

"Why so late?"

"We need to make sure old Slughorn does not hear what we are up to. Besides midnight is not that late," Avery said. "Oh and if anyone asks we're a study group. Not just anyone can join either."

_Yeah, Avery and Mulciber in a study group, that is really believable, not._

With that Avery took his accustomed seat next to Mulciber. Snape played with the little food he had placed on his plate, mixing the green beans with the mash potatoes. Between being disgusted by Potter and Lily, to his nerves about this mysterious meeting to be held at midnight he had had lost his appetite completely.

_What if they are going to use this as cause to pick on me too? Maybe I won't even go. _Doubt flourished in his mind.

He got up from his seat and quickly left the Great Hall. He needed to mull over the day's events, from spying on Potter and Black, receiving a broken nose, spending time with Lily, and not this mysterious meeting he was invited to. This bizarre mixture of events could only happen to him.

Midnight came too quickly for him, as he made his way nervously into the Slytherin common room. There were about a dozen other Slytherins waiting. None of them seemed apprehensive at all, they were all at ease and making small talk with one another. Were they waiting for him?

A few of his fellow house mates looked in his direction, but gave no real sign of interest in his being there. This relieved Severus greatly. They had not lied to him at all it seemed. He could breathe easy, and worry no longer. All he had agreed to was a meeting.

Bellatrix Black cleared her throat looking around at everyone. The chit chat stopped and all looked over at her.

"Welcome, everyone," she began. "We have some news."

Snape's eyebrows furrowed, he was confused. News from where and of what exactly?

"Soon purebloods will be the only ones in the magical world. Mudbloods will be gone."

There were a few quiet cheers. Snape was unsure of why he had been invited. He was not a pureblood, but a halfblood. Why would this meeting concern him?

"The Dark Lord will rise to power as we, his followers, help him by gaining new followers, and as we are willing to rise up against the dangerous mudbloods who seek to destroy the purity or our blood lines. Soon our opportunity to prove ourselves will arise. We must be ready."

Bellatrix seemed very passionate, it amused Snape that she was related to Black. They were very different. Snape also wondered how muggle borns were dangerous. What had they done? He knew that Slytherins held years' worth of taught prejudice in their hearts, but he did not always understand it.

"Blood traitors like my idiot cousin will also be punished," Bellatrix continued, she seemed almost in raptures as she spoke, especially when it came to punishment.

_Blood traitors? So, they would make Potter and Black pay. This might involve me after all. _

Snape listened throughout the rest of the meeting. He found himself agreeing with many of the things that were being said, and apparently he could not be blamed for being a halfblood, it was his mother's stupid mistake for being with a muggle. It was an abomination, the worst pureblood sin. Severus had never thought about it that way, but he decided that it was the truth. Had she married someone that was a wizard she would not be having the issues or struggles she was having, and furthermore Snape would be much better off, and perhaps a fair bit better looking, or at least he hoped.

As he listened his understanding for his fellow Slytherin's hatred and prejudice grew. It was easy to hate. He was starting to feel like he belonged as some of his true hatred was realized.

After the meeting Avery and Mulciber walked over to him.

"What did you think?" Avery asked.

"I would like to learn more," Snape said. "Especially about how this is going to help me get back at Potter and Black."

"It will. Especially when the Dark Arts are involved."

It was like they knew exactly what temptations to dangle in front of him. He was interested no matter what they were going to throw in his direction. He did not care if this group was trouble, he wanted to become trouble for Potter and Black.

"We have many meetings about getting better at using the Dark Arts in combat," Mulciber said smiling. "Especially some of the newer curses that have been invented."

This intrigued Snape greatly. They were learning things he obviously knew nothing about, and he had to get involved just for the sake of his knowledge. He wanted to learn about things his mother could not teach him.

These new friends of his were going to be useful after all. He was going to learn things that his enemies would not be able to combat. He enjoyed that idea.

He knew that he would have to keep it a secret from Lily. He was going to make sure that she never knew what he was up to. It would be better that way for both of them, no matter how much he disliked not telling Lily things.

Severus also decided that maybe he should not be so open about his friendship with Lily. This was more for her sake than his. The way they talked about muggle borns or mudbloods as they called them worried Snape, and he was determined never to pick up that prejudice. It was going to have to be a conscious effort, since he would be hearing that word constantly.

"This all sounds fascinating. I can't wait to learn more," Snape said.

Avery smiled as though he had won a prize, "We're glad to hear you say that."

Snape was not exactly sure what he was getting himself involved in, but he had to find out more. He could always back out of it if it turned out not to be for him. It was not like he was signing his death certificate by becoming a part of this group. If anything he was just making new friends, friends that would help him learn more about the Dark Arts.

All of this would help with his revenge against Potter.

"How often are these meetings?" Snape asked.

"Every Saturday night at midnight."

Snape nodded. He could handle that.

"Although every now and again we have more meetings. It just depends on what is taking place. We are always getting a leg up on our enemies," Avery said smiling still.

Severus could not help but smile, was this what it meant to belong? It was a nice feeling, and something he was not used to.

"And every meeting is led by Bellatrix?" Snape asked. He was not sure about how he felt about Bellatrix. She was an interesting character.

"Yeah, she's practically head over heels for the Dark Lord, but she's got plenty of knowledge of what's taking place. Her parents are very involved and they encouraged her to start this group."

Snape nodded, "Good to know."

Snape went into the boys dormitory, letting today's events settle into his head. It had been a very long day. This was a new experience for him and without trying to Severus seemed to find himself a new set of friends who seemed to want to help him wage war against Potter and Black. This seemed wonderful to him. Although he was unsure of what they might request of him in return, and that honestly worried him. He ignored his feelings of suspicion and he could not recall why he had wanted to be dissuaded from attending the meeting. It seemed it was going to be exactly what he needed.

Any worry or doubt flooded from him as he fell asleep. He was tired enough that his sleep was dreamless and serene for once.


End file.
